Writing task 1: Job advice part 2

Let’s continue working on the informal letter task below. We’re up to bullet point 2.

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job.

Write a letter to this friend. In your letter

say why he/she would not enjoy going to college
explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her
and suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her.

Our letter so far:

Greeting
Dear Jim,

Purpose sentence
Thanks for writing, and I’m happy to give you my opinion on whether you should continue with your studies or look for work.

Point 1
If your goal is still to become a computer programmer, I honestly don’t recommend the college route, mainly because colleges don’t offer specific programming courses. I think you would be frustrated and bored studying a lot of general IT topics.

Point 2
The best way for you to develop your programming skills would be to work on real projects as a junior employee in a company. Sentence 2…..

Point 3
Two sentences suggesting suitable jobs

Ending
I hope you find my advice helpful. Let me know what you decide to do!

Best wishes,

Simon

Study task: Can you write one sentence to finish bullet point 2? Try to develop the idea in my first sentence for this point.

Comments

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15 Comments

Harry CY on 24/02/23 at 12:27

I’m sure you can have more career advancement opportunities if you start working earlier.
- Simon on 25/02/23 at 13:22
  
  It’s a good, correct sentence Harry. My only criticism is that you’ve introduced a new point instead of ‘extending’ my point about developing programming skills as an employee.
Quan Le on 24/02/23 at 15:43

I’m quite sure you would gain much practical knowledge and hands-on experience in any tasks the project leader assigned you to do.
- Simon on 25/02/23 at 13:23
  
  Good sentence Quan!
Dolrueporn Sarakshetrin on 24/02/23 at 15:47

You will gain more experiences included intensive knowledges, working experiences, and a bigger step of opportunities.
- Simon on 25/02/23 at 13:29
  
  Hi Dolrueporn. Here are my suggestions:
  
  – Be careful with the words ‘experience’ and ‘knowledge’ – we usually use the singular, uncountable forms of these words in this context.
  – Try to avoid repeating the word ‘experience’.
  – Make the context clear by linking to the previous sentence in some way.
  
  For example, here’s my version of your sentence:
  
  – By working with experienced programmers, you will gain knowledge and experience very quickly, and this could lead to bigger opportunities in the future.
Sherry Nguyen on 25/02/23 at 02:21

I believed this would allow you to gain more practical experience and receive useful feedback from experienced professionals.
- Sherry Nguyen on 25/02/23 at 02:22
  
  I believe this would allow you to gain more practical experience and receive useful feedback from experienced professionals.
- Simon on 25/02/23 at 13:30
  
  Excellent Sherry, especially with your correction in the second attempt.
Phuc Doan Phan on 25/02/23 at 03:25

I believe that you will gain experience, from real projects and your colleagues, which promotes you to a higher position in the future.
- Simon on 25/02/23 at 13:33
  
  Good sentence Phuc. Just a couple of small changes:
  
  – No comma between ‘experience’ and ‘from’.
  – It would be more natural to write “which could help you to get a promotion in the future”.
Shadi Alkurdi on 25/02/23 at 19:56

I believe you can rock on this path because you will learn more practical skills from senior colleagues, gradually gaining more extra shots on your previous knowledge and scaffolding your working trip.
- Simon on 26/02/23 at 10:48
  
  Hi Shadi. It seems that you have tried too hard to use idiomatic expressions: ‘rock on’, ‘gain extra shots’ and ‘scaffolding your working trip’.
  
  The problem is that these three phrases don’t work here. They seem very strange and bring your writing level down. “Rock on” does exist, but it has very specific uses, and I would never use it in any IELTS context. The other two expressions (gain shots, scaffold your working trip) don’t exist in English.
  
  Can you rewrite this without those phrases?
Jane on 26/02/23 at 20:21

This way you will have relevant first-hand experience, which will help you gradually acquire all the practical knowledge necessary for your field.
- Simon on 27/02/23 at 11:37
  
  Great sentence Jane! I would just add one word: “which will help you TO gradually…” You don’t strictly need “to”, but I find that the sentence flows better with it.